Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
