I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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