They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize