my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize