Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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