WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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