dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize