WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
