Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
