My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
