I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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