; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
