Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
