Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
