Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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