i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
