So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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