I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
