He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
