is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
