what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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