I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
