i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize