Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
