Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
