Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize