Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
