Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
