38 yer olds are good kisserssss
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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