Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
