Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
