hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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