She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
