Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
