literally had 100 drinks last night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
