I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
