I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
