Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
