No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
