There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
