While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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