Where is the hickey?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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