Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
