I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just pee around me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
