Is it because I queefed?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't deserve a penis
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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