I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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