My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
