what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
