Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize