You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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