why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
