Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Help. Why am I so naked?
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