By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
false alarm, still single
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
