Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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