Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm too high and old for this...
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