My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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