So drunk its hurt
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
