all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
