if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
