i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
