I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
