You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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