Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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