my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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