I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
