Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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