I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
