Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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