She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
