You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
