Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
