Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
