but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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