Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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