yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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