So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
