just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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