I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
