I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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