Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize